Understanding the Human Condition Through Love
To comprehend the human condition, one might begin by observing its most nascent form: the human infant. I have watched babies in their oral stage, a time when they instinctively seek to bring the world to their lips, as if to consume it. This is not a constant state of hunger, but rather a profound, initial act of possession—a way of making the external world a part of the self.
Philosophically, this resonates with the concept of being "thrown into the world" and engaging with it in a "ready-to-hand" manner. During this same period, another behavior emerges: when faced with objects too large or unwieldy to consume, the infant turns to manipulation, control, or even destruction. This is the dawn of the will to mastery—a "psychological existence" that follows the successful establishment of "psychological survival." The act of "taking in" fulfills a survival need; once that is met, the imperative to assert one's presence begins. To grasp, to drop, to break—these are subconscious declarations of "I am." The infant, of course, is unaware of this deeper impetus.
"These two foundational psychological patterns—assimilation and control—remain with us for life, profoundly influencing our every behavior."
These two foundational psychological patterns—assimilation and control—remain with us for life, profoundly influencing our every behavior. What we commonly recognize as worldly love is, in truth, an extension of these primal impulses.
The Nature of Worldly Love
Parental Love: The Foundation of Symbiosis
A mother's love for her child originates in symbiosis—the child is first perceived as a part of her own being. Furthermore, the immense physical and psychological ordeal of childbirth often deepens this bond through a powerful investment of self. The long process of raising the child only intensifies this commitment. Thus, it could be said that a mother does not merely love her child; she loves an extension of herself—a projection that grows more real with time, sometimes to the point where her own identity may begin to feel like the phantom.
A father's love, while also shaped by this shared investment, often carries a different quality: a primal attachment to life itself and a subconscious defiance of death, seeing the child as his continuation.
Romantic Love: Psychological Survival and Existence
Romantic love, in all its forms, requires sexuality as its initiator and guide. It is, in essence, a sophisticated reenactment of those infantile stages of "psychological survival" and "psychological existence." I acknowledge that this strips away the romantic veil, but from first principles, this is its origin. How we later refine, romanticize, or dramatize it is part of life's open-ended narrative—but the underlying code remains unchanged.
Within romance, "psychological survival" manifests as mutual possession. We metaphorically hold each other in our mouths, which perhaps explains the universal solace found in a kiss. This stage is a dance of mutual affirmation and nourishment: you validate me, and I you; you desire me, and I you. This reciprocity is the very foundation of physical intimacy, bringing a profound joy akin to the infant's satisfaction in assimilating an object into itself.
As the relationship deepens, it transitions into "psychological existence." Both individuals become integral components of each other's inner architecture. This is why the pain of heartbreak is so visceral—it is the agony of a psychological structure being torn asunder, a feeling of the self being severed.
Partners who endure the test of time often find their love transformed into a bond resembling familial attachment—a state of mutual symbiosis where both have secured their "psychological survival" and "psychological existence." Their relationship becomes an institutionalized part of their identity, a stable structure that defines their world.
The Essence of Worldly Love
In summary, worldly love is fundamentally a product of our psychological architecture. Yet, we are not mere automatons; within this framework, we are capable of infinite emotional variations—love and hatred, joy and sorrow—which together compose the rich tapestry of a human life.
"We are not mere automatons; within this framework, we are capable of infinite emotional variations which together compose the rich tapestry of a human life."
The Key to True Love: Transcending Psychological Structure
You may have noticed I have spoken thus far of worldly love. Let me conclude by touching upon its transcendent counterpart: true love.
True love does not arise from psychological structure, but from reason. When it occurs between two people, it presupposes a rare degree of psychological maturity—the capacity for clear self-awareness and self-mastery. True love is devoid of control and possession; it can be taken up or laid down with grace. If we speak of a Jesus, a Buddha, or a Bodhisattva loving humanity, that is true love—a love born of wisdom and understanding.
The Requirements of True Love
Yet, one might say their love for humanity is, in a way, unrequited. For love to be fully realized, it must be reciprocal. Most of humanity has not yet reached that plane of reason and awareness, and thus cannot offer a complete return.
To transcend the psychological framework, to stand in rational independence—distinct from the world yet connected to it—is to approach the spiritual stature of such enlightened beings. Only then can one truly comprehend and engage in the dynamics of true love.
"True love is devoid of control and possession; it can be taken up or laid down with grace."
The Path to True Love: Self-Awareness and Maturity
The key to experiencing true love lies not in seeking it from others, but in developing the psychological and spiritual maturity necessary to transcend our primal patterns of possession and control. This journey requires:
Self-Awareness: Understanding your own psychological patterns, recognizing when love stems from need versus authentic care.
Self-Mastery: The ability to manage your emotions and impulses, to love without demanding reciprocation or control.
Rational Independence: Standing firm in your own identity while remaining genuinely connected to others, neither consumed by them nor consuming them.
Spiritual Maturity: Moving beyond ego-driven love to a love born of wisdom, compassion, and understanding.
Conclusion
Love exists on a spectrum—from the instinctual, possession-based worldly love rooted in our psychological architecture, to the rarified true love born of reason, wisdom, and spiritual maturity. Understanding this distinction is itself a form of growth.
While most of us experience worldly love in its various forms—parental, romantic, familial—the recognition that a higher form of love exists can inspire us toward greater self-awareness and psychological development. The key to true love is not found in another person, but in the cultivation of our own inner clarity, independence, and wisdom.
As we grow in self-understanding and psychological maturity, we become capable of loving more authentically, less possessively, and with greater grace. This is the path from worldly love to true love—a journey that begins with honest self-reflection and continues through conscious spiritual development.